Mother’s Day …. My Way

The rarity in that statement is that 6 out of my 7 children are adults, living their own lives and who were trying to juggle other mother figures ( mother in laws, step mothers,  friends who are mothers, etc) into their day yesterday as well.

So, the day looked much different to when they were younger but it was still a day celebrating their mother, each in their own way.

My morning started at 2am, when I woke to be awake for my two adult sons, Shaun and Ronan, who live at home, coming in after a long shift at an event. Lying in bed, I listened to the waves breaking on the shore and the silence of the house until they got home.

The boys were only due in around 4am but I always have them message me as they leave so I can time how long it should take for them to get home and so that I am awake to dial our complex gate and let them in. Mothers worry, no matter how old our kids are.

They arrived, tired, cold and ready to sleep. Mumbled a few Happy Mother’s day messages in hushed tones and between grabbing coffee and going to the loo. Then they were asleep.

But they were home safe, which meant I got to relax.

And, their messages were unprompted …now, if you’ve yet raised a child between the ages of 15 and 30 you’ll realise what a big accomplishment that is. Most of the time I send hints for days before events or I run around reminding everyone of celebrations, birthdays, etc….so, the fact that they remembered….on their own…without prompting ….well, that was a good start to the day.

My sister is awake at 4am. Neither of us apparently inherited the genes to sleep in and so I messaged her and we chatted until about 7am.

All things coffee, and motherhood, and children and how we would be celebrating our day.

I then popped online and sent a mothers day message to a few friends, because as moms we are here to support each other. Whilst the ladies I’m privileged to call friends may not be my mother we are mothers. We understand the hard days, the good days, the joys and challenges of motherhood. And yesterday was a day to celebrate that.

I popped my mother in law a message as well as got to chat to Lynne from Kaboutjie as we shared our morning and our spoils.

I then updated my socials and shared some mothers day love to all the moms online.

Hamish woke me with hugs as he always does and I heard Brent remind him that it was Mother’s day.

He then wished me and he helped me make my coffee.  Being 5 he really isn’t allowed to use the kettle himself, but he can add the spoon of coffee and sugar and we grabbed a quick photo of him proudly showing off the new mug he chose for me. The fact that he can read what’s on the mug makes this year so very special.

We snuggled in and giggled, enjoying our morning coffee, watching as the sun came out from my bed which looks out onto our balcony.

After coffee, I got up gave Hamish breakfast, fed the animals, made beds, put the washing on, cleaned the house, prepped the food for the kids visits and got myself and Hamish dressed for the day ….after all a mother’s work is never done.

My eldest child, Tammi, arrived with her mother in law and husband and we enjoyed some sweet treats, a glass of bubbly and some great conversation for the morning.

Pre-covid we always got together for all small events, mostly at our home, but with Covid restrictions and our new flat being much smaller, we haven’t held many family events at home over the last two years so it was nice to have a little pre-covid normal return.

I don’t know about you but we are still adjusting to trying to find our normal again since Covid-19.

No sooner had they left at about 1pm when Hamish’s little friend knocked on the door.

He plays at our home daily and whilst I am normally quite strict on family days being for family only there are always those special friends of your children that you gather along the years to include.

This little one, who is without a mother figure at home, came to play and the boys quickly started a rather loud, boisterous game that had them running from the lounge to the bedroom as the next batch of my kids arrived.

Next to arrive were my son Byron, his girlfriend, Hannah, and my youngest daughter, Kerri.

They arrived with a bucket full of energy and a bag of Spoils. With so many other “moms” to fit into their day and to celebrate with I value the time they took to fit a visit in.

Their visit was short but Kerri got to meet Rexy, I got photos and a nice chat with them and then they were off to spread a little love at their next stop.

I love their busy energy. I totally understand it and as someone who could be busy all day trying to do all the things all the time, I totally get it. So, I’m not offended by their quick visits.

I also don’t hold my children with restrictions. We are a big family. Sometimes, not everyone can be somewhere or sometimes not everyone likes each other and that is OK. One day doesn’t make a difference to the overall relationship you have with your family.

I knew my last visit would be from my eldest son as he had spent the morning with my granddaughter and her mother.

As that one child who never phones his mother, who I bemoan and curse at because why does he even have a phone if he never answers it  …True to his character, he randomly messaged in the late afternoon hi can you open please and we went down to meet him.

Hamish had been waiting for his big brother Dylan the entire day. He was so excited and Dylan was whisked off to meet Jason the snake and Rexy the gecko before fixing Hamish’s flashing lights and then being allowed to join me for a conversation.

His visit was also relatively short, but my mom heart was filled. It’s rare as the kids get older to see them all on the same day or at the same event ….we all lead such busy lives. So, this was the perfect day to gather them and I got to celebrate Mother’s day the whole day not just for a few hours.

My husband is the least celebratory man I know in general and every year he will say to me ” You not my mother” and each year without fail I remind him it’s his duty to teach his son to value me as a mother. It’s respectful for him as my husband to see the humongous contribution I bring to the table and to acknowledge the type of mother I am and how this affects our son. And also, I like gifts ….just saying.

Now, Brent’s really good and even though he jokes, he spoils me every year for mothers day but the I’m not your mom statement really gets to me. ( I think he thinks its one of those funny Dad joke things )

Also, I think the reason it upsets me is because I celebrate him as a father all the time and really put the effort in to help record moments for him to look back at, so I just assume he would want to do the same for me. Forgetting that our love languages are so different.

This year I didn’t feel like having the same conversation ( 5 years in it’s pretty repetitive) and so I simply stated that the effort shown on mothers day would determine the very effort delivered on fathers day …

Again, I was not disappointed and saw the effort he made to buy me the boots and shawl I wanted, and help Hamish pick out a gift.

I did however, in the Chaos of my busy day, forget to ask if he did indeed wish his mother, after all she is his mother.

It was a great mother’s day. I was totally spoilt in love, time and effort and those things are much more valuable than material gifts. They meet me at my love language and fill my cup much more than gifts( which I usually just re-gift)

I  also got to spend the day with all my favourite people.