Our thoughts become our actions

Our thoughts become our actions

I recently met someone who I just could not connect with. From the very first meeting they were negative, full of unkind conversations about others and very deeply enmeshed in a situationship with self pity.

As a mom who has navigated the harder walks of parenting, life, divorce and trying to find myself and stay sane in-between it all, I tried really hard to be inclusive, to offer support and to see their behavior as an extention of the trauma/hurt they so clearly had going on in their day to day life.

However

I also found that every interaction with this person left a trail of negative energy.

No encounter was without a giant pot of drama, boiled up solely by this woman in her manifestation of self pity.

Just like any wild fire that needs a gust of wind, she was looking for the pity of others to fuel her now large collection of drama. Her victim mind set had fully transformed her into a women who simply does not have the capacity to shine a light, one who only sees a darkness.

Now,

I’m not heartless and I’m very well aware that her burdens are most likely greater than she can bear right now. I’m sure there’s a level of depression that I hope she gets help with and I’m sure she is underneath it all a wonderful person.

However

It’s ok to fill your cup and set your boundaries

I am not responsible for the actions or choices of others. A statement that we all need to remind ourselves of often. No one will change by you taking on their burdens, they have to want to change themselves and do it. So, as an example, even if she is depressed, I can’t make her see a doctor or take an antidepressant- she needs to first want to change these things.

I need to choose my interactions. I’m a positive person by nature and the negative behavior of others often sucks more positivity out of me,draining me of my energy and this is not extra energy I can afford as a mom who not only juggles my home, my business, my child’s education but who is also trying to find a few happy moments to myself every day. I owe it to myself, my family and my business to keep my circle of interactions positive.

I don’t do drama There’s a wonderful saying that says you don’t need to attend every fight you’re invited to, and the same applies to pity parties and negative interactions. You don’t need the drama. I’m blessed to have 50 years of life experience, in which I have learnt not to attend to the drama caused by others.

Negativity is soul destroying. Constantly being surrounded by negativity truthfully affects those around you. It dampens everyone’s spirits, it puts everyone in a negative mind set and it slowly starts to poison others into only thinking of the negative thing in their life and around them.

I live in a mindful place of gratitude. As a positive person, I maintain my positivity by living in a place of gratitude. I am truthfully greatful for the good things in my life. That doesn’t mean negative things don’t happen to me, it means I work through them and I’m greatful as even a negative thing can teach us a valuable lesson.

My cup needs to be full. I have a family relying on me to set an example. I owe it to myself and them to keep my cup full to be able to give them the best of me. If my cup is being drained by others, I’ll have nothing left to offer those I love.

You’re not being unkind by stepping away. We get it wrong by thinking we are unkind if we are not friends with someone we can’t connect with. The truth is that stepping away is better than being a fake friend. I have no need to be unkind, I’m not going to be uninclusive or rude in a social setting if I bump into her, I simply do not wish to include her in the the people I call friends, and that is OK.

We don’t always need to think of others. Yes, I said it ! What I mean is….we owe it to ourselves to be happy and if the presence of someone in our daily life threatens that happiness then we do not need to put their needs first. We don’t need to consider their underlying reasons for their behavior ( unless they are our husbands, children or family) – we are not a therapist. We can walk away.