What to do when the “mean girls” attack your teen

We’ve all seen the thousand and one different Disney and young adult movie where the “mean girl” rushes in to bully, shame, hurt or manipulate the new / shy/ odd or ordinary girl.

We let our teens watch these and giggle because …of course the victim is always vindicated.

But ….

What we fail to see is that the mean girl actually exists in our middle and high schools.

There’s an entire generation of tweens and teens out there who honestly believe they are entitled to victimise others without consequence.

Recently my 15 year old daughter became a victim of her friends mean girl attitude.

The friend spred a nasty rumour.

This blatant lie, which would have damaged my daughter’s reputation and could have resulted in an innocent boy being charged for something he didn’t do, was started because the friend thought this was an acceptable way to get back at my child after they had a falling out!


I’m actually still in shock.

This mean girl had no idea of the hurt it could cause both of the teens that she chose to victimise nor of the extent that this could have escalated to.

In a world where teens are comiting suicide through bullies behaviour, this being a typical example of bad rumours …she felt she could cause the damage and not be held responsible.

So what do you as a parent do to prevent this behaviour from your children ?

  • Start by remembering that tweens and teens do not always make the right decisions.
  • Have open discussions about sex, bullying, suicide, lying and other topics you may feel are hard to talk about.
  • Be aware of what’s happening in their friendships. Notice changes or complaints about a “friend” from your child.
  • Explain to them the dangers of cyber bullying from a bully and from a victims perspective.
  • Educate them on the law and their rights.
  • Let them know that even on a phone call, over a text or WhatsApp calling people names, threatening them and manipulating them to do what you want are all acts that can have charges brought against them.

What to do if your child is the victim

  • Get your child’s side first.
  • Listen to all sides and find the source.
  • If your child has any evidence on WhatsApp or a voice note save these as evidence.
  • Approach the parents, firmly but with the option for them to sort out their child. Nine times out of ten the parents will not believe their child is capable of such behaviour.
  • Lay charges …In our case I was, and still am should this issue rear it’s head again, ready to lay charges alongside the other victim.
  • Approach the school. Let them know who the children are and what has transpired. Even if the issue is resolved. It’s important that our schools know who the trouble maker children are and to look out for these children victimising anyone else.
  • Watch your child for signs of depression after the event.

What to do if your child is the mean girl

  • Listen to the other parents openly and look at the evidence.
  • Open up a firm discussion to your child and explain the consequences.
  • Allow them to know you will not tolerate that behaviour by having them appologise to their victim and accept some consequences, whether this is from you or from the law.


I’m still very disappointed in this young girl as she has been a friend to my child.

My own child was more fearful of things escalating if I stepped in which leads me to believe this is not a first incident and I am ready to lay charges if this rumour continues.

The child’s mother made excuses for her child from our first message but did manage to get her child to appologise.

I’ve sent an email to the headmaster and class teacher, with our evidence of the event and how it transpired and the girls apology, to outline the situation and asked them to please watch out for future issues from this child.

I’ll also be contacting the boys mom to fill her in so he is also not victimised by a young girls revenge plan.

Sadly, this mean girl is no longer welcome in our home.

I have a no tolerance policy for bullies and whilst we teach our children forgiveness we must also teach them that everyone makes their own choices and there is always a consequence to those choices.

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