When your energy is depleted

Sometimes as moms we run on empty, infact I’m sure even on empty we have a reserve tank , but even that is at danger of drying up.

Last week I found myself …flat!

There really isn’t another word. It’s just flat.

Since going off the blood thinning meds 2 months ago and trying to get myself to full working speed, I’ve pushed myself harder and harder.

With no energy and still needing much down time to recuperate my physical strength, I have pushed through the constant overwealming exhaustion and fogginess. I’ve ignored the numbing and agonising fiery pain all the way down my right arm ( that my Dr now says is tennis elbow ????)

And I’ve worked passed the need to nap when bear naps. I’ve gone from being able to work 12 to 14 hours a day with ease to being lucky if I get 2 hours of work done.

My hurricane

It’s been 2 long emotional weeks at home. Teenagers, Aspergers, helping children deal with emotions and the emotional needs of being a toddlers best friend and slave can take it’s toll.

My work pile and personal goals we’re too high to achieve in just 2 hours a day and as the days filled into the end of the first week I was drowning. I hadn’t just failed myself but I’d missed deadlines and let people down.

So, naturally I began berating myself and trying to catch up only to find I wasn’t actually getting anything done….in fact, in my panic mode I couldn’t get even the most mundane chore fully accomplished.

I was angry with myself, anxious at not achieving my goals and in tears at the smallest of things.

What did I learn?

I sat on the bed , computer on my lap and just stared at the screen. Nothing came to mind and I wasn’t even sure where to begin.

So , I unplugged. I stopped. I put the world on hold.

If I was at work, I could take a day off but from home I work 24/7.

My brain is never off. I’m always looking for new marketing ideas, new blog posts, new trends or writing new posts and creating content for social media when I’m not developing a curriculum for bear or dealing with the day to day.

It occurred to me that I was running on below empty.

I needed to recharge.

I was also pushing myself and my body was fighting back calling me to rest.

How did I recharge?

I stopped.

Working from home means I constantly need to do everything from my work to housework.

First I switched off my emails. I was booking myself off for a few days.

Next I stopped creating content and remembered to only use my social media for quick updates or checking on family and friends.

I forgot my list. I knew I’d have to get to it this week but first I needed to recentre myself.

I rested. I listened to my body and took breaks and naps when I needed to.

I got outside. Another draw back to working from home is not getting out enough, mostly because I have so much to do. I went on walks. Sat on the beach and soaked up nature.

I read ….for pleasure. A luxury I don’t get often with work and a toddler.

I delegated housework. There are many able hands in this house and I needed to change my mindset that I’m the only one who can clean or cook properly.

I played. Bear and I just played. There was no curriculum, no learning outcomes and no worry over skills development. We just played.

I wrote …not for my blog or a client. Not for a deadline but for me. For the pure pleasure of stringing words into a beautiful poem or an essay of memory.

Finally, I stopped saying Yes. I said No to everything I couldn’t achieve that week, every negative thought from others and no to being around people I don’t find rejuivinate my spirit.

I was in each moment … fully emerged in just being.

And now

And now it’s Monday , my list is no shorter and the pain and overwhelming exhaustion are no better, but I took some time for me and so I can start my week fresh with slow steps and more focus to accomplish all I need to.

I’m my own worst critic and harshest judge, I’m slowly learning I am amazing even when I’m not perfect!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.