Ten things im learning in the Autumn of my life
I’m often reminded what a privilege it is to age. So many people don’t get to enjoy the wrinkles and grey hair that comes with having lived a full and wonderful life.
My own mother was in her early 40s when she passed away and over the years I’ve known many friends and family who simply did not get to age.
So, I chose long ago to rebel society’s needs, especially for women, to never age.
I’m in my early 50s and proudly tell people.
I’ve lived an entire lifetime and acquired not only the wisdom but the life experience that follows a full, busy life.
I love to be busy and I’m always running at 100 per cent full steam ahead. Jumping into as many projects and experiencing as much of life as I can.
But menopause has certainly reminded me that sometimes we need to pause.
We need to stop. To slow down.
To evaluate and redefine our goals. To align ourselves with our vision.
To grow!
Growth, however, looks different in each of us.
For me, it has not only been adding better habits or chasing bigger goals. It’s also been aligning my life and subtracting things that hinder my growth, no longer align or cause me undue stress.
This season, I am not focused on becoming or achieving more. I am focused on carrying less.
I’ve come to loving refer to this season as the autumn of my life.
And just like the trees shed the beautiful yellows and red leaves in Autumn , this is a time for me of shedding the old and getting ready for the regrowth of spring.
So,
These are the lessons I’m learning as I walk through my 50s.
My worth is not defined by How busy I am
I believed for many years that in order to be productive, to be of value or to be valued meant that I needed to be superhumanly busy.
Often working into the early hours or late at night. Taking on more work than my partners or colleagues because if I wasn’t busy I felt lazy and unproductive.
All this did was leave me constantly exhausted. Always catching up and needing to fill hours.
Last year, in December, I took my first official holiday from work in far too many years. I switched off my computer and stepped away.
For the first time in almost 10 years, I slept in late. I deligated chores. I didn’t run to the beck and call of those around me. I unplugged from social media, and I read a book, created a cross stitch, and reconnected with my garden ….things I love. Things I’d not been able to do because I believed I was being lazy if i stopped working.
But
Burn out is real ! Rest is needed.
Productivity without peace will leave you empty and so I’m learning to enjoy the silence, embrace the rest and align my life with a healthier balance.
One not defined in how many hours I do not sleep to catch up on work.
Not everyone deserves access to me
Our time is precious and our energy deserves to be matched by those around us.
It’s wonderful to be kind and friendly but if you are always available, accomadating or overexstending without mutual reciprocation you can quickly be caught in a space where your energy is drained, your time is wasted and you sit in a pile of resentment and regret.
Choosing people who are like minded and who align with your values, morals, interests and hobbies to surround yourself with, ensures that you are at peace.
It safeguards any boundries you may have in place and allows you to not compromise your beliefs.
As someone who has found it hard to set boundries, as I truly do just want people to be happy, the last two years have taught me that boundries are not cruel. They set clarity.
People will missunderstand me …that’s OK!
This was a big one for me. I always felt I needed to explain my side of a story, to stand up for myself.
The truth is that often if you find yourself in a situation where you need to explain yourself, it likely does not matter.
Why you ask?
Most times the narrative in the head of the other person has already created the senario, condemend you and their ego won’t move past their version of the truth being the only one.
I’ ve learned, over time and in maturity, that clarity matters more than popularity. The right people will always understand and support you without persuasion.
Nothing is that urgent!
Rushing in a world where you are trying to achieve the superhuman is inevitable and everything from the dirty dishes to a work deadline can feel like an enormous rush.
This rushing creates panic and chaos, tricking us to believe that we are not achieving, that we are behind, needing to catch up and worst of all that we are simply not enough because we have to constantly be rushing, whilst others look so calm.
I’m reminded, that flowers bloom when they are ready.
And this season ( and menopause) has called me to slow down.
To calm the panic. To choose patience.
Comparison steals gratitude
One of the biggest reasons I took a social media break was because I no longer found joy in what I was doing.
I love working in the digital space. I love creating and I love sharing online.
However
Social media scrolling can distort reality and if we find ourselves in a space where we are comparing even the slightest parts of our lives to the slivers of another person’s life we see online, we start to devalue who we are, what we’ve achieved and the many hundreds of things daily that we can be greatful for.
This season I’m reminding myself, that my journey is unique…it doesn’t need comparison.
My light deserves to shine, not be dimmed.
We are all taught not to be too much.
Don’t shine too bright. Don’t grow too big. Don’t smile too wide. Keep your achievements and growth small so as not to intimidate or damage fragile egos.
But ambition isn’t arrogance and we all deserve to be recognised for our achievements.
So, I’ll be clapping for myself as I remind myself that I too can take space. I don’t need to dim my light.
A red flag is simply that … A red flag
We all want to believe the best in others.
I’m flawed for learning the hard way that I poured too much into or believed too hard in someone who realistically showed me all their red flags along the path but I really wanted to believe the best in them.
Sadly ….
A red flag is simply that ….a red flag!
Once you’ve seen the true character of someone that is who they are.
I’m learning to see those red flags earlier and not invest in characters that warn me not to through their behavior.
Some apologies will never reach me
Not every ending comes with an explanation and not every wound gets an apology.
I’m learning that healing is self created and does not require agreement from the person who hurt you.
By waiting for an apology you keep a wound open, sometimes peace requires you to close the door, heal and move on.
The only validation I need is my own
Validation is like a drug. Once we become dependent on it from others, we forget to see our worth for ourselves.
We no longer have control of our lives and will constantly seek validation in others, at work; at home ; online.
This need to hear others will slowly quieted our own belief in ourselves, damaging our self esteem and mental health.
I’ve always been one to be my own biggest cheerleader. To never wait for an invitation to the table but to rather build my own table.
This season I’m reminded that whilst my reputation is how others see me; my character is how I see myself and so the only validation I need is from myself
My intuition is my best friend
We all know that our intuition whispers long before logic knocks.
So often we will silence our internal warning to be agreeable or optimistic. Only to realise later that that fleeting hesitation or those moments of discomfort were infact our intuition calling us to stop and act with wisdom.
I no longer ignore my intuition. Trusting myself is not optional.
