Why his wondering eye has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his ego

Yesterday, while out I noticed a beautiful woman, most likely in her late 3O’s, walking with a man I assumed is her husband.
She held onto a backpack full of items for the two little girls running ahead of her.

Under one arm was an abandoned well loved teddy bear and she was holding someone’s discarded pink shoes in the same hand that she tried to hold a plastic water bottle in.
Her husband seemed blissfully unaware to her struggles, and had walked several paces ahead, clearly enjoying the day out.

And I noticed that while she constantly checked in on the kids, calling instructions and never letting her eyes fall off them, she also simultaneously tried to enjoy the beauty of the park around her, stopping to take a photo for the family’s albums, only to discover that her husband had wondered further and she had to run a little to catch up to him each time.

Sound familiar

Are you this mom? Is your mother , your sister, your aunt or your neighbour this mom?

We have all seen her, perhaps even been her!
So, if you are now thinking, as I was … wow! That husband is an ass. Don’t worry you are not alone in your thinking.

I watched her, as we were both walking to the same destination and I so much wanted to reassure her that she was a wonderful mom.

And there I was deep in thoughts of the mental mother load when I noticed that her situation only got worse.

A man with a wondering eye

To me,the woman’s beauty was evident and she is obviously a devoted mother and wife. . . A woman any man should cherish!
Sadly her husband’s eyes, as he walked ahead of her, kept darting to oogle the other women who walked past him.
As he admired the body or eyes or legs or tight shorts on woman passing him by, not once did he think to marvel at the wonderful woman behind him.
Not once, as he selfishly distanced himself from his family, did he think to take his wife’s hand or smile at her.
Not once did he offer to unburden some of the days parafanalia from her weary arms or call to their precious little girls so that his exhausted wife could enjoy the outing alongside her family, instead of from the point of watching them.
Not once, did the woman he chose to marry, to have as his partner, to cherish and love, cross his mind!

A man thing and a woman’s fears

Now, I hear you …all men look.
Perhaps, but what he also failed to notice was how the beautiful smile left his wife’s lips each time her eyes saw him admiring the other women walking past.
You see, while he may have thought it an innocent gesture to admire a women, his wife questioned herself.
Was she ugly? Was she fat? Her hair wasn’t long enough, her nails not manicured, she had no make up on, when last did she wash her hair?
And just like that the seeds of self doubt dragged up every insecurity and self hate she had ever felt.
Her family outing, which had early on in the trip become for her mostly about work and duty had already left little enjoyment for her as she navigated her husband and children.

So, now her family outing became a game of self loathing and doubt.

A mental overload, if you will, of why doesn’t my husband love me?

And why?

Because society and our upbringing will have us as women believe that if a man strays, looks away or is in any way not attentive to the woman he is with that he is not interested in her, finds her unattractive or he is sexually active with someone else and all of this, in societies eyes, is the fault of the woman beside him.
This seems like a considerable unfair and hugely inaccurate burden to place on a women who already sacrifices most of her day light hours for her family.

A new way to look

What if I told you that the reason our male friend’s eyes oogled other women was nothing to do with the woman he was with and everything to do with him.

Let’s break this down …..

…..

He purposefully strode ahead of his wife instead of holding her hand or walking next to her… this distance meant that he had disengaged before the trip had begun. He did not want to be there.
He ignored his children, leaving it up to the mom to care for them. He could have assisted in carrying items and helping her. He could have engaged with his young daughters as he walked. He chose not to be an active, involved parent. Prehaps a yearning for his single life.
His wife was beautiful, so he had no reason to be looking at other women, especially not whilst she could notice. He had no reason to cast doubt in her mind or hurt her heart.
But he did and his reason for this was about his ego and his needs.

His selfishness.

He needed to know that he was still desirable.

He is also obviously not appreciative of the woman he has. He is not at all respectful of her feelings or of the other women, who most likely do not take his stares and looks as flattery as they see his wife struggling behind him.
So sadly this husband is both immature and perhaps not truly invested in his marriage.

He does not have the skills to make a relationship work nor does he have the willingness to try.
He is also most likely highly unaware that his wife, who is used to watching the kids slightest movements, immediately picks up his behaviour in a flash.

He most likely calls her jealous if she calls him out and tries to make her feel at guilty for his faults and transgressions.

Let’s Get this right…

There is nothing wrong with our busy mom!

She did not stop to walk ahead of her husband. She did not ignore her children. She did not need to fuel her ego or prove her beauty by admiring every man that passed her and she did not at any time make her husband feel any less than the perfect man for her.

Let us as women start to remind the women, moms, sisters and neighbours of their beauty, their strength and as women raise a generation of women who know that their value does not diminish if the person they are with does not have the emotional maturity to treat them with gentle, loving respect.